Treat People Like Humans By Attending to Their Hopes

Posted by Elliott Connie - May 9, 2020 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

The most basic, fundamental desire for people is to be treated like a human being. Anytime we try to devalue the human experience, people revolt. It’s important to remember that you are NOT talking to a diagnosis, you are talking to a person, an individual who is important to those around them.
The moment we treat them like their diagnosis is the moment we devalue their human experience.


What is the most basic core fundamental desire for the people here on earth? For me, it’s very clear that the most basic thing that people want is to be treated like a human being. Throughout history. If you look back any time we have tried to devalue your human experience and oppress and commit injustices, people revolt, they push back to get to that basic respect of being treated like a human. I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week, as I have seen here in the United States,

lots of injustices happening on a global scale, happening on a big macro systemic level. And I was sitting at my desk last night thinking about the micro implications of this. Because you know what I want to ask you to do? And I spend so much of my time talking to you guys about like, making sure you ask Solution Focused questions like this, and here’s when you’re in this scenario ask these types of questions or you know, it’s really important to learn how to do Solution Focused

Brief Therapy. But one of the things that has been on my mind as a result of the things going on in our world today, is the importance of remembering I am not talking to a diagnosis. I’m talking to someone’s son. I’m talking to someone’s daughter. I’m talking to someone’s husband. I’m talking to someone’s wife. I’m talking to someone’s father. I’m talking to someone’s dreams.

When I’m working with a child client, I am aware that I am talking to the dreams of that parent and never let the diagnosis trump the fact that you are talking to a human being.

Because the moment we start talking to the client from the perspective of their diagnosis, we are now doing the very thing that people don’t like and people revolt against.

So when people ask me all the time like, “Elliott, how come my clients don’t answer my questions?” It’s because you have forgotten,

even briefly for a moment, that you are talking to a human being, a human soul, that is desirous of change. Regardless of the problem that led them into your office,

the mistakes they may have made associated with their diagnosis, their behavior being weird, regardless of all that sort of stuff.

They’re basically just a human that wants to be treated like a human. And the best way to insure you are treating someone like a human is to always attend to their hopes more than you attend to their problems.

This is where Solution Focused Brief Therapy lives. This is its home. We live in the perspective of hope.

To me that’s what makes Solution Focused Brief Therapy so magical. It’s because no matter what you are doing,

no matter what your diagnosis is, I’m going to attend to your hopes for a different future. I’m going to attend to your hopes for a different life.

The moment we step outside of that and I start treating you from the perspective of your diagnosis, from the perspective of your problem,

I’m devaluing your human experience. Even in your office, clients push back and they don’t want to answer your questions and they don’t want to participate because we can tell when someone is not attending to the best of us,

and that’s true for everybody. That’s true for all of us. We all want to be around people that attend to the very best of us.

We all want to be around people that make us feel better. We all want to be around people that bring out the very best in us and Solution Focused Brief Therapy is your opportunity to do that for the clients in your office.

And I’m telling you, in order to do that, you have to be able to remember, no matter what is troubling this client,

this is someone’s life. This is someone’s husband, wife, daughter, son, cousin, aunt. This person is one of the most important people in their life.

And I’ll tell you a quick story. When I was a young man, couldn’t afford to go to college and,

I had an aunt. One day, I couldn’t afford to go to college, I had lost financial aid because I wasn’t doing well in school at the time,

lots of stuff going on my life. And I called this Aunt and I told her I don’t have financial aid,

for the next year, they took away. So I don’t know how I’m going to pay for college.

This Aunt came up to the college and put a whole semester of my education on a credit card. Now,

this Aunt is not wealthy, not loaded or, and it wasn’t, it was a couple of thousand bucks.

It wasn’t anything that breaks the bank, but I’ve never had anybody to do something like that for me.

She put an entire semester of my college experience on a credit card and told me I have to pay her back.

That was the most life changing moment that I ever experienced. If that hadn’t happened, I’m not sure how my life would have ended up.

Because I wouldn’t have been able to pay for college and my life would have gone in different directions. Because I could continue my college education

I eventually got a master’s degree, licensed to practice psychotherapy, writing books and things like that.

But that woman is a hero to me. She is an unbelievable hero in my life because she took that action and many more,

I’m very close to that Aunt,and many more. But she’s a hero to me. You know, I have other heroes,

right? Nelson Mandela is a hero to me. But remember, like every person you meet is Nelson Mandela in someone’s life.

My Aunt is like Nelson Mandela in my life. She’s a hero. So if you were to find my Aunt sitting in your office,

I beg you to treat her like a person, not a diagnosis, not a problem, not a symptom,

but like a person, because that’s actually what makes us tick. That’s what we all desire. And that’s where Solution Focused

Brief Therapy lives in the hopes of a person not in their problems. Hey, thank you so much for watching that video.

I really appreciate you guys listening to me. Share my thoughts and ideas about Solution Focused Brief Therapy and as I try to make you very best,

Solution Focused Brief Therapist that you could possibly be. If you could please help me share the word,

‘like’m ‘share’ and ‘subscribe’ to my YouTube channel. Help me spread the word of this amazing Approach.

Hit the bell on my YouTube channel to get notifications when I post new content. Head on over to www.elliottconnie.com where I post all kinds of free content,

free training materials and updates on my courses and events. And I hope to see you in the next video.

Thank you.

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