The Unlikely Grouping

Posted by Elliott Connie - August 9, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

This week I taught an online training with 2 other people. This event was one of the most special events of any teaching I have ever done, in part because the 3 of us are one unlikely group. Thus, it almost never happened and in this video is why this matters.

this was a really remarkable week for me as I hosted an
event that touched me more deeply than maybe any event I’ve ever hosted before,
which I teamed up with Jacqui Von Cziffra-Bergs from South Africa and Adam
Froerer here in the u s and we did an online training but how to use a solution
focused approach with trauma. And um, what, what got me, what it got me
thinking about was what I think is, um, a really powerful concept that we talk
about but we don’t often talk about. And in this video I want to talk about it
and that is diversity in getting ready for this presentation. I was the one
working on the PowerPoint and I was going through, uh, like material and
working on the PowerPoint presentation. And you know, Jacqui, Adam and I are
friends, in fact, very, very close friends. And I always say there’s like a
room between family and friends and Jacqui and Adam and myself.

We like, we like live in that room. And I thought maybe I
have an old picture of the three of us and I’m going through old pictures. And
eventually I found a picture of Jacqui, Adam and I, and I stared at that
picture and I just thought, what an unlikely grouping of people, A white woman
from South Africa who grew up in the apartheid era, uh, an affluent white man
who grew up in suburban Utah and, and, uh, most of my life, underprivileged
black male who grew up in, uh, urban areas, somehow teamed up and work
together, work together consistently and quite well. And, um, people often ask
like, how did you guys find each other and how do you work so well together?
And how do you do the things you do? And the answer is always the same. It’s
love. I genuinely love Adam and Jacqui.

They genuinely love me and they genuinely love each other.
Our differences have become our strengths because what we’ve learned is when we
respect our differences, then they start to like overlap. So things I’m not
great at, Jacqui is amazing at and things Adam is not great at. I’m wonderful
laugh and things. Uh, Jacqui’s, you know, super not great at me and Adam can
cover for it. Like our differences have become the glue that holds us together
as a tremendous team. And I think sometimes we’ve learned in our society to
fear each other’s differences instead of embracing differences because
differences become strengths. This is why diversity is so important. This is
why it is so important. Recognize when you have a diverse environment, you have
a strong environment. As long as in that environment, people learn to treat and
view the issues that would normally draw them apart, pull them together.

When you learn to view your differences as strengths, then
you can really, really affect change. And isn’t that what we’re all about as
psychotherapists and solution focused helping professionals is we want to add
affect change? Well, it starts with understanding that differences are not
things to fear. They’re things to embrace. This goes true for our personal
life. It goes through for professional communities and it goes true for our
clinical work. I was just doing therapy last night with a, with a a couple and
they wondered if they were so different that their relationship couldn’t work.
And by the end of the session they’re saying, oh my gosh, I think our
differences are the things that make us work. And in my head I was like, yes,
that’s it. That was, that was the day after this, this event. I in my head, I’m
just like celebrating it against these people.

Get it. What makes you different is also what makes you
strong, if you can embrace it. You know, I’m so grateful that I met Adam and
Jacqui and other people too. Um, that brought different things in my world
because they’ve made me stronger than made me a better version of who I am.
They’ve made me someone that I wouldn’t have been otherwise and I’m eternally
grateful for those people. I’m eternally grateful for those lessons. And I
think in the world we live in now more than ever, we need to be reminded
frequently, consistently, loudly that what makes us different is also what
makes us great. So please help me share this message. Click the little share
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you in the next video.