The One Thing I Want You To Know

Posted by Elliott Connie - August 4, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

Some people looking to master this approach believe that the key is in the techniques. The truth is, the key is much deeper and in this video I share the one thing you really need to know.

For more than one reason today. Um, the, the topic of trauma and how to apply solution focused brief therapy when you’re working with clients who’s experienced trauma is on my mind. I mean, one of them is, I mean, throughout my years of teaching and writing about solution focused ideas, how do you use this approach with trauma? Honestly might be the number one question that I have received. And I know there’s tons of reasons for that. You know, research says that over 70% of people experience a trauma, a significant trauma at some point in their life. And also like everybody understands solution focused brief therapy. And we find it easy to use as approach when the client won’t like is there because they have a problem, like they’ve just not been feeling well recently and maybe a little bit blue or having a transition adjustment or some marital problems, that sort of thing.

But when the problem is as grandiose as, um, um, have
survived sexual assault has survived a violent assault, has survived
significant drug use and, and parental abuse, uh, we start wondering like, can
this approach really work? Uh, in this setting. One of the other reasons why
trauma is on my mind is, is just today, uh, I woke up to yet another mass
shooting that’s taken place in America. And all I can do is think, um, what is
like for the people who have lived through these experiences? And it’s, it’s
troubling to me. Like it really genuinely is troubling to me. So today in
today’s video, in this video, the one thing I think I want to convey to you,
the one thing I want every single person out there who’s interested in using a
solution focused approach to know and to believe and to get deeply into your
bones is that clients and people are amazing and they have the ability to
achieve their goals in spite of any circumstances that have impacted their

I want to say that again because it’s so important that
people have the ability to accomplish their goals in spite of any of the
troubles that have impacted them over the course of my 15 years in practice.
The things that I have seen clients achieve in spite of where they come from is
mind boggling to me. I met a woman once. I’ll give you an example. I met a
woman once and have you ever been talking to someone who has survived something
that you don’t think you could have survived, like they’ve been through
something that you are sure would have just broken your spirit? Well, this one
time, the early, early, early in my career, I met a woman who was dealing with
a lot of drug abuse and she got into some significant legal trouble as a result
of the drug abuse that she was going on.

She, uh, she was really young, but she had had two
children and those children, two children been removed from her home. And when
she told me her story of her childhood, when she was growing up and she hit
puberty, she developed early and her mother’s friends became attracted to her
even though she was a young girl and her mother started trading. I won’t be too
explicit, but her friends could spend time with her if they gave their mother
drugs. And this took place throughout malt, most of this young person’s life to
cope with that pain in her teenage and late teenage years, she started using
drugs and I mean serious drugs, cocaine, crack cocaine, crystal
Methamphetamine, serious drugs to the point she gets herself in legal trouble
and she loses custody of her children and the court mandates. She come to
therapy. So I asked this young person and by the time I’m seeing her, she’s in
her twenties.

What are your best hopes from our talking? And I can
almost feel myself getting emotional talking about it and what are your best
hopes from our talking? And uh, she said that she wanted to get her children
back, um, and she didn’t think I was going to be possible because all the
things that were going on and how much trouble she was in. If it were possible.
What difference does it make to you? I’d feel like a good mom and I could break
the cycle. That’s when she told me about what her mother had done, her and what
her mother’s mother and her mother and mother, brother and all that kind of
stuff. So if you could overcome that, what would you notice yourself? And she
starts just describing herself as an overcomer instead of as a victim. Now we
met a few times and at the time I had no idea where she got the children back
or not.

She met the standard that the court mandated for her to
come to therapy, stuck on therapy. And that was that a few weeks ago, um, that
woman invited me to see her children. She said that you were so helpful for me,
you know, 10 years ago, 12 years ago, whatever it was. Um, I’d like you to meet
my, my two children. And the two children are now in their teenage years,
their, uh, their teenage girls and, um, struggling in school. And, um, at the end
of that session would met for teenage girls. Uh, the mom, the client I saw
previously talked to me about, um, how her life had been after those sessions.
She said, I got my children back, I got clean. Uh, I went to school, I met my
current husband and uh, I’ve been clean from drugs since that time and uh, I
just couldn’t believe that this person had been able to turn their life around
in spite of this amazing trouble that she had getting it started.

And to be honest with you, I’ve got a thousand stories
like that from a thousand different clients because if, one thing I’ve been
convinced though is that people can achieve their goals in spite of any
negative circumstance in their past. That’s what to me makes me so excited
about using solution focused brief therapy because I think that we are the
light in this world where there is so much darkness. And I think I have a
compulsion now to share even more than I ever have before because I keep waking
up to news of these incredibly dark things happening and as long as there are
dark things happening that I think we have to share the light things that are
happening too. And the thing I want to share today is if you’re going to use
this approach, I beg you, I beg you to hold into your heart, get into your

Every single client can achieve anything in spite of their
past. We need to know that now more than we ever have before because we are
being inundated with more dark news and more difficult times than I can
remember in my 42 years on this earth. So let’s remember. Look, it’s important
that you know how to ask the best of question and about out how to ask about
the exceptions and the miracle question, all that kind of stuff. But you have
to really believe that people can achieve any goal from any circumstance in
order to be fluent with these questions because the questions aren’t relevant
unless they come from a proper framework. And that’s what this is all about.
So, um, I want you to just go out and be a light in this dark world. And maybe
if we have enough lights, we will try now out the darkness. So I hope you
enjoyed this video. Please give me a like, give me a share. If you’re watching
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Where I’ve got loads of free stuff and thank you for watching this video and
I’ll see you next time.