The Magic of Listening

Posted by Elliott Connie - August 7, 2020 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

One of the most important things we can do is listen to one another. Whether it’s in a therapy session or with your best friend, remembering details and acknowledging them in your conversation can make your intent meaningful.


For many, many years, I described Solution Focused Brief Therapy as a questioning process. Like, we ask questions that help clients describe their preferred future and in the descriptions of that preferred future their lives get better. And I still think that that’s what it is, but there’s something I want to add to it that I think is actually more important, than the questions are actually connected to the importance of the questions.

And that is the magic of listening. I actually think the most important thing you have in a Solution Focused Therapy session now is your ears and not your mouth. The reason that I think that is because of the way that we listen to people more significantly than anything else, contributes to the way that they feel. So if someone comes into your office and they tell you that they’ve had a difficult experience with their boss,

or they’re having a difficult experience with their spouse, or they’re having a difficult experience with their children? My job as a Solution Focused therapist is to talk to them in a way that allows them to feel heard. And the way to do that is I have to accept what my client is telling me is real Our questions, more so than anything else,

is our way to demonstrate to the client that we have heard them and that we value them? So think about it in this way. Like, one of my very best friends, I’m actually at his house now, a guy named Adam Froerer. And if I see Adam and I say something like, “How is your daughter Rachel doing?” The fact that I remembered his daughter’s name,

and I remember that like, you know, Rachel was going through this hard thing in school or whatever it is, it’s a way of communicating to Adam that I value you. I value your experiences and I’ve taken on what you’ve said and demonstrated that to you in a question.

So when I say, “What are your best hopes from our talking?” to a client, and the client says like, “I’d like to be happy.” My ability to ask about what happiness looks like in your future and how would you notice it, and how would your partner notice it, and how would your kids notice it, and how would you boss notice it,

that is connected to my ability to show you that I hear you. And the greatest thing you can do for someone inside the clinical room or outside the clinical room, just out in the world is it will allow them to feel heard and valued by you. And that’s the most important lesson that needs to come from all of your Solution Focused sessions. So ask the miracle question, ask the scaling question,

ask about best hopes, but always remember your job is allow your clients to feel heard and valued. Hey, thank you so much for watching that video. I really appreciate you guys listening to me share my thoughts and ideas about Solution Focused Brief Therapy and as I try to make you very best Solution Focused Brief Therapist that you could possibly be. If you could please help me share the word.

‘Like’, ‘share’ and ‘subscribe’ to my YouTube Channel. Help me spread the word of this amazing Approach. ‘Hit’ the bell in my YouTube channel to get notifications when I post new content. Head on over to www.elliottconnie.com where I post all kinds of free content, free training materials, and updates on my courses and events. And I hope to see you in the next video.

  • 10
    Shares
  • 10
    Shares
Menu