The Difference Looking Through Makes

Posted by Elliott Connie - November 6, 2020 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

All right. Welcome. Hello everybody. We are in the venue where we are hosting the Fall Solution Building Couples Therapy Intensive this year. It’s a two day event, you know COVID got crazy, so we couldn’t bring an audience to where we were. So we’re broadcasting live from here and every now and then when you teach, or every now and again when I teacher at least, I say something in a way that’s like a bit clearer than I’d ever said it before. And that happened already this morning.

So as we were talking, we were talking about like the key principles and ideas of Solution Focused Brief Therapy. And historically we talk about things like, if it’s been working do more of it, and if it’s not working do something different and those sorts of things. But I think the foundation that works with this approach is you have to be able to listen to the client share about their problem, but listen through the problem story and listen to the heart and internal states and internal drives of the client.

And that’s, that’s a real difficult skill when someone’s like, “Oh, my life has been terrible. I’ve been depressed for so long. And I can’t remember not feeling depressed.” You’ve got to hear through that and be like, wow, this is a really strong person that could live to be 42 years old and carry that depression with them along the way. Like you see the difference between listen to them as like you’ve been depressed forever versus you are really strong as a consequence of having dealt with that depression. And I think really Solution Focused Brief Therapy starts there because our clients come into our offices ready to talk about the problem, prepared to talk about the problem and engage in talking about the problem.

And if we listen to the problem, then we get sucked in and we’re no longer able to ask questions that bring about difference. But if we listen threw the problem and see the client for who they actually are in their brilliance, and in their magnificance, it makes all the difference in the world. And then the Solution Focused questions live in that space. And I think that’s the thing that I wanted to share. So right now we’re about to be over with our break. I’ve got to go back in, but I wanted to be able to hear that first.

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