Tapping Into Your Client’s Purpose

Posted by Elliott Connie - May 4, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

The trickiest thing for us to teach is how to know when you have an answer to the “best hopes” question. In this video I share an idea that will hopefully make this process more clarity, and thus more doable.

So I just got done teaching my five day intensive, my live
event that I host with Adam Froerer every year. We did it in Orlando this year.
It was really cool event. We had, um, we had people from all around the world
as far away from as far away as Singapore. We had people from all throughout
the United States. And one of the things that was one of the hottest topics
that we talked about, one of the key points of the teaching week is one of the
things that I think is hard for most people interested in the solution focused
approach to grasp and understand and then pragmatically master in their
utilization of this approach with clients is this idea of how do you get a
desired outcome and use it in a preferred future description. So how do I get
an answer to the best hopes question in a way that makes the rest of the
session make a difference in the client’s life?

And to be honest with you, this is the hardest thing to
teach. So I thought it would make this video and share with you part of what we
discussed in Orlando with the group. Because I think sometimes we get confused,
and you’ve probably heard me say things like knowing the difference between the
desired outcome and a goal. But I think I’d been incomplete in explaining that
because I think what I would, what I want you to understand is it’s not like
I’m looking for an answer that is a desired outcome or a goal. I’m looking for
my ability to use the answer as a desire to hand out desired outcome as a goal.
So for example, if I ask a client, what are your best hopes from our talking?
And the client says, I’d like to be happy. I don’t want you to think, so how do
I try and happy from a goal to desired outcome?

It’s actually how do I use happy as a desired outcome. So
I can say something like, um, so when you wake up happy, what’s the first thing
you would notice your family would notice? What is the outcome in your life
that that happiness would produce? So it’s not like I’m looking for an answer
that is a desired outcome as opposed to a goal. I’m just looking for an
opportunity to use the answer as the desired outcome as opposed to a goal. And
I hope that provides a little bit of clarity because once you do that, then you
start getting closer to your client’s purpose. Cause sometimes we were talking
about this in Orlando. Sometimes people have pain and trouble and struggle that
there’s, it’s unavoidable, like they’re going to go through it. But when you
can start talking about people’s desired outcomes and talking about people’s
purposes, cause pain on the path to the achievement of my outcome is different
than just pain.

So for example, if I’m going to go to the gym and exercise
and it hurts, I understand that that is good for me and it is leading to a
positive place. And uh, sometimes our clients are going through troubling
things that the therapy is not going to remove. But a conversation about the
purpose and the desired outcome increases resiliency. So it’s not about my
client giving me an answer that’s a desired outcome as opposed to a goal. It’s
about me being able to take their answer and utilizing it as a desired outcome
and get us closer to the client purpose. Because purpose is what makes a
difference in a person’s life. So that’s really what I want you guys thinking.
It’s not trying to get an answer. It’s me using that opportunity to use the
answer as a desired outcome. And that’s what makes a difference in the life of
your clients.

So I hope that this video provides a little clarity.
Please leave a comment below. Let me know what you think of this explanation.
Whether you agree with it, disagree with it. I still know what to think or if
you want me to provide more clarity. Because once, like if you’re going to use
a solution focused approach, you have to understand how to take a desired
outcome and use it as an invitation into a preferred future description. And
it, it, it just takes this level of mastery to do it. So, um, please leave a
comment below. Let me know what you think. Uh, thank you for watching this
video. Please like it and share it how we spread the word and never ever forget
you are always one question away from making a difference in a client’s life.
And I’ll catch you in the next video.