It Takes A Village

Posted by Elliott Connie - May 11, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

No one becomes a success or gets through difficult things without the support of someone or something. The old saying it takes a village is true and the focus of this video is how this idea shows up in Solution Focused work.

When I was a young student pursuing my undergraduate
degree while at university, uh, I had a difficult thing come up. So, um,
something happened. I actually don’t remember what it was, but, uh, I had lost
my funding, uh, for an entire year of school. Now I don’t come from a family
of, of a ton of financial resources and I was getting financial aid from the
government to help me pay for my university here in the United States has a
very common thing. Uh, but I had lost my funding, I lost my financial aid and
lost my scholarship for a year. Uh, it was a technicality, something about the
paperwork, whatever, doesn’t matter. That’s not the point. That’s not the point
of this story. Um, but I lost that funding and I was really terrified. You
know, I was two years in to university and, um, I had no earthly clue how I was
going to pay for it.

And my aunt, uh, one of my aunts, my aunt Marilyn, my Aunt
Lenny, we call her, uh, she heard about what had happened and she called me and
she said that she would like go into debt. She would like get a credit card and
pay for my year of college with the understanding that when I graduated I would
pay her back. And, uh, it was an amazing thing that happened because I was able
to continue my college, graduated from university, paid my aunt back, uh, went
on to get a graduate degree and, and you know, I’m now a professional counselor
and I write books and I’ve traveled the world lecturing and I have my own
private practice and, and all the things associated with it. But when I look
back, I realized that none of that would’ve been possible had my aunt Lenny,
not stepped in and done this thing to make a difference in my life.

This has been a profound weekend because I’m standing here
in a place called Breda, uh, um, in the Netherlands just outside of Amsterdam.
And my aunt came with me on this trip, on this teaching trip where I taught for
two days and she got to see like the return on her investment. Uh, that was
almost 20 years ago. And I’m sitting here thinking that it’s mother’s Day. And,
um, there’s an old phrase that it takes a village. Well, I am the result of a
middle of a village. Like it, it takes a village. And many, many people have
gone in, uh, have, have put in to my success and to outcomes in my life. And on
Mother’s Day, I can’t help but think of all the things that my mother did. My
mother, Jeanette, Connie, I wouldn’t be here if not for her and all of the
people in our lives.

And, and when I think about that, I think of that in two
contexts that are relevant in the solution focused world is number one, all of
our clients have resources and people and, or things in their life that
inspired them or supported them to help them get through tough times or
accomplish tough goals. And the other thing, and this is kind of more of a
professional way, but when we go about the task of trying to master and learn
solution focused brief therapy, you just can’t do that alone either. It takes a
village, it takes a community to be connected to, to really grow and hone your solution,
focus skills, any other mastery. Just like any other thing where we’re going to
become an expert in and, and uh, proficient and effective. You can’t do that
alone. You need help. You need support, you need guidance, you need

Um, you need the community. You need to, to feel like
you’re part of the village. Um, that’s why like I, I, I created an online
community so people could join it and be a part of the village and be a part of
the community and get the support and guidance and feedback that is necessary
to accomplish certain levels of success. And it’s also why I want to take a
moment on this mother’s Day 2019 to thank my mother, Jeanette Connie, to thank
my aunt Marilyn Hellum and to thank all of the mothers out there. And all the supporters
out there that believe in your children that believe in their growth, even when
they’re having tough times and they don’t believe in themselves. Um, success
would not be possible without the your wonderful support and without you doing
the things necessary just through acts of love, kindness, and selflessness,

So I want to say thank you and I want to encourage all of
you watching this video to, um, be a part of the solution focused village and
understand that one of the things that makes this approach tricky is it’s very
difficult to do on your own on an island. You need to have support and guidance
and be a part of the community that’s also growing their skills. So what I want
to ask you to do is go find, you know, go hug your mother and go compliment a
mother and go find a mother who needs to hear positive words about what she’s
doing because they’re changing so many lives, uh, through their acts of
motherhood and on Mother’s Day 2019 I want them to feel appreciated and always
know it. So thank you for watching this video. Please like share, subscribe to
my Youtube Channel, head on over I’ve got loads of videos and
resources there that you can learn from and enjoy and never ever forget that
you are just one question away from making a difference in someone’s life.