How Solution Focused Brief Therapy Changed Me
When I first started doing Solution Focused Brief Therapy I was guilty of a misunderstanding of this approach that I see out there a lot. So I thought this video would be helpful to some, but very, very important to all, and the misconception I had with people who do Solution Focused Brief Therapy are somehow so positive, are somehow so like rose colored glasses that they are kind of like, immune to the problems.
And they are immune to like human emotions that are negative. And I think this is important because throughout my career I’ve been judged very often for people saying like, you know I’m surprised a Solution Focused person would think that. Or I’m surprised a Solution Focused person would say that or I’m surprised at a Solution Focused whatever.
And some people ask me questions, like, do I think doing Solution Focused Brief Therapy has impacted my personal life. And if you follow me, you’ve heard me say often, and it’s true. Probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me is learning to do Solution Focused Brief Therapy and the way that it has impacted my life.
So the reason why I wanted to make this video, because like, doing Solution Focused work has completely transformed my life. It has built up my resiliency. It has made me happier and more positive person. For sure. I am much more likely to experience a hardship and look for opportunities. I am much more likely to experience something difficult and be in touch with my own resiliency. I’m much more likely to believe in myself in the face of hard times than I was before, because it’s hones your vision and your ability to see things in a different way.
Having said that I am still human and I am capable of being irritated and frustrated and hurt and sad. I’m capable of saying things wrong. I’m capable of all of those things. Like I’m still a human being. And that doesn’t mean that I am not Solution Focused. It just means that I am a human being.
And as human beings, sometimes we have all of the human emotions and doing Solution Focused Brief Therapy does not absolve me or anyone else from that? I used to see people say very proudly, like I am Solution Focused as if it’s like some sort of a moniker or a definitive thing about them. And I moved away from that. I think, you know I’ll use the words of my good buddy Chris Iveson who says like, Solution Focused Brief Therapy, it’s just something, it’s what I do, what I have a passion for.
And I think that that’s the way that we should view it now. So when you go about learning Solution Focused Brief Therapy, you get to be a human being, like things are still going to anger you and things are still going to frustrate you and things are still going to make you sad and things are still going impact your life.
Solution Focused does not mean problem immune. It just means when problems happen, you are able to see opportunities and you’re able to tap into resiliencies and strengths rather than being overcome by the problems. And I can remember it like as a younger person I would experience a problem. And I would like catastrophize about that problem. And just my brain, just run down the pathway of how bad this problem could be and all the negative things that could happen.
And now that does not take place. I do something different. And even now, like we are currently living through this pandemic and travel is restricted. And I can’t tell you how much I miss Chris Iveson and his beautiful, wonderful family. And I can’t see them right now because I’m not allowed to fly to England. The British government would not allow an American plane to land.
And I miss my friend, Jacqui in South Africa. I haven’t seen her in forever. She’s like a sister to me. And it’s so wonderful when I get to spend time with Jacqui and give her a hug and her wonderful husband, Geza and her two great kids. Like, I miss these people so much, but instead of sitting down and kind of ruminating in how much I missed them, in the struggles that we’re in right now, I’m much more likely to continue to think, but one day this will be different. Because my brain has been so impacted by the work that I’ve been doing. And my thinking has been shifted for so long. I’m now much more likely to think about outcomes and things that I desire in the future.
Now, on the way to that, do I get sad about not being able to see my friends in other places? I absolutely do. Do I get worried about what’s going on politically here in the United States? I absolutely do. Am I immune to any of those problems? Of course not. But what I am able to do is focus on one day this will be different.
There will be a day where I get to hug Chris Iveson. There will be a day that I get to go for a walk with Jacqui. There will be a day that I get to cross the Canadian border and visit my favorite city. Toronto. There will be a day where the future that I’m hoping for will be present. And what Solution Focused Brief Therapy does is teaches you how to focus more on the future and how to focus more on resiliencies, how to focus more on the things that actually matter, and how to give less attention to the things you can’t control and the negativity going on with it.
So I hope that this makes sense, cause I know a lot of people out there struggle with this idea that being Solution Focused means to be so positive that you don’t acknowledge the problem. And that’s just not true. That’s just not real. It’s just not human. Being Solution Focused means I experience the problem, but I shift my focus to something else.
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