4 Cities, 3 Countries, 2 Continents…. 1 Theme

Posted by Elliott Connie - September 13, 2019 - Solution Focused Therapy - No Comments

This past few weeks have been crazy for me. I have been all over the place talking about the Solution Focused Approach. Throughout all of those places here was one theme that kept coming up, that’s what this video is about.

in the past week or so, I’ve been teaching solution
focused brief therapy in four cities in three different countries on two
different continents. And the one idea that keeps coming up over and over and
over again, it comes up in the questions that the audience members are asking.
It comes up in the teaching that I’d like to share. It comes up from the
examples in the videos of therapy that I’m shown. It shows up in the live
examples and it shows up in the exercises that we’re doing. And the what shows
up is this idea that the way that we view our work and the client matters like
so incredibly much. And when I was in Copenhagen, Denmark, I was teaching there
for a woman named Anne-Marie Wulf and one of the participants a guy by the name
of Michael, he talked to me about a book written by somebody named Buckingham
called the one thing you must know, and in this book the author author talked
about how it’s important to like over estimate your client as opposed to
underestimate their skills, how it’s important to over estimate their
capabilities as opposed to underestimating their capabilities.

Because there is like no risk in thinking people can do
more because then it causes you to like raise your expectations, it causes you
to raise the bar and it allows that person to do amazing things and achieve
things that you or they didn’t think was possible. In this book, He makes the
argument that we actually underestimate people because we study problems and
this is not a solution focused therapist as far as I know, not even a
psychologist, but we study problems and we think in order to understand
excellence, problem is the opposite of excellence. So we study problem
thinking. If we can learn about that and just invert that knowledge, then we
then know about excellence, but the truth is this is a discipline on how we
think about the people we’re working with and the work that we’re actually
doing and that thought will impact so significantly what you do, you know in
the solution focused approach, the questions that we’re asking, people matter.

They’re important, the miracle question, and exception
finding and scaling and best hopes, questions and all of those things, they
matter. It’s really important we cannot do this work without asking those questions,
but I would make the argument that the way you think about your client is even
more important because that’s going to guide the questions that you ask. For
example, in order for me to ask a client, what are your best hopes from this
therapy, which is our most important question in the therapy process because it
establishes the desired outcome. The client is in therapy, in pursuit of, I
have to believe two really important things. First thing you have to believe is
that you do in fact have hope for a new or different future. I have to believe
that no matter what the problem is that brought you into therapy, no matter
what it was that caused you to need to come into the services, whether it’s
anxiety, depression, grief and loss, addiction, whatever, that you do in fact
have hope for a new or different future and sometimes you have to have that
belief when the client is outwardly saying that I’m not motivated, I don’t want
to be here and they’re saying these things, I have to hold the belief that you
do have hope for a new or different future.

If I lose contact with that hope, then I no longer can ask
you about your best hopes. I no longer can ask you about your desired outcome.
If I allow you to convince me that you don’t have hope, then it makes my first and
primary task of solution focused brief therapy, no longer possible. The second
belief that I have to have in order to make this, in order to make this work
effective in order to do this job is I have to believe that you have the
capacity and capabilities to create that new poked for future. Because that’s
what’s gonna allow me to ask you questions about said future. That’s what’s
gonna allow me to ask you questions about said differences. That’s just gonna
allow me to ask you questions about change. If I don’t have those things, then
I cannot do this job effectively.

If I do have those things then the solution focused
library of questions becomes profoundly impactful, become profoundly important
and is then able to make a difference in your life. So I thought that this sort
of video was going to be very, very important because I have now been in four
cities, three countries, two continents, and this is the theme. Like people are
really smart, right? I mean the people who come to these people are really smart.
They can learn the library of solution focused questions. But what people
struggle with is the application of solution focused questions. And I want you
to really know that that is connected to the way you think about the work and
the way you think about your client. And if you can master this, then you can
master the solution focused approach. Thank you so much for watching this
video. Hey, do me a favor, give me a like, give me a share on your networks.
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website. And until next time I will see you fist bump.